Tough On Myself

The other day, I thought I would browse online for a pair of shoes for work. I normally don’t particularly like online shopping, as I like to look and touch, but with Covid, and to save going driving to the next city over, I decided I should give it a go.

I spent quite a bit of time (it probably felt longer than what it was), scrolling and deciding. It can feel as though you are scrolling forever, which frustrates me. Patience for scrolling is not my strong suit. I picked out options and then eliminated from there to what I thought was the best pick (or two). Then as I went to the check out, I realized I was in the wrong website – the American vs. the Canadian site. So I could not order. I was furious with myself, my hubby told me with a laugh, that it was a ‘rookie’ move, and he is not wrong. Feeling like a fool, naturally, I brought up the Canadian site and searched for the shoe names. No matches found. Not available in Canada. I gave up. I had other things to do, such as bookkeeping work for my husbands business, which I already feel anxious over to get completed for submitting taxes. I know, this is what we call a ‘first world problem’. Poor me, wasting time on the wrong website. 🤣 I can laugh at myself now, but I am always tough on myself for making mistakes or wasting time. I still have a hard time with it.

More recently, I have come to re-define ‘wasted’ time, where in the past, sitting and doing nothing was time ‘wasted’. This is not the case now. Doing nothing, I now consider essential and even allot time for it in my day. Doing nothing means time for meditation, contemplation, being aware.

After my shoe shopping fiasco, I reflected for a moment. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I thought to myself ‘what’s the lesson here?’

I still don’t know. It feels like I could have been productive doing something else (or more successful doing nothing). But at the very least, 1) I know I can still be unnecessarily hard on myself for silly things ~ meaning room for improvement, and 2) it has provided a topic for this week’s blog.

Oh Devon 🙄

Sending Love,

Dev

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