I came to the realization that there have been aspects of my art that I hadn’t felt confident in or ‘worthy’ of creating. I was talking about this with someone I know as I was explaining about my art evolvement over the past couple of years. I told about how I hadn’t ‘created’ (really) since art school up until just over 2 years ago, when I started this blog and my instagram page.
Before that, I had plenty of excuses – small house, no space, working full time (also at least 3 years of working 6 days a week), the mom guilt of working and then feeling the need to only clean / care for the kids in my spare time. So I wasn’t doing something that felt fulfilling for me (obviously I love my family, but you know what I mean).
Why did I have these excuses? With reflection, it was the guilt, and then the word ‘worthy’ popped into my head. Allowing myself time for a hobby. It felt selfish. Plus, during those years, it really did feel like I needed to do extra work when it was available. Then, add family obligations on there, how much can one really do? So no, I won’t be hard on myself for those years gone by. I do believe things unfold as they are meant to. And as the years went by, I came to understand I needed the creative outlet. And now, after over two years, I look at my stack of creations and imagine if I hadn’t started. That is 3 posts a week on my instagram page – Monday, Wednesday, Friday that I have not missed one of, since March of 2018. I know I could have easily kept on making excuses, and I wouldn’t have anything to show for it. Now I have something to be happy with and proud of, even if I do not consider them all masterpieces.
When I started that YouTube page for my grad video project, I decide to make a video to also post on that channel of me flipping through all the pages of my creations. It was over 9 minutes long. That’s how big of a stack of works in this time. So I sped up the video and cut the time in half and now that is my ‘portfolio’ piece on my YouTube channel. (Link above, or devonmcfaddenart on YouTube)
And so, my motivation to create continues. Keeping the momentum going. And to create for the sake of creating. Seeing what I can come up with three times a week. My enjoyment.