Gift Of Gab

From the (Cambridge) Dictionary, the Gift of Gab, is said to describe someone’s ‘ability to speak easily and confidently in a way that makes people want to listen to you and believe you.’

I’ve always admired this quality in people and had this character in mind when I was younger as an example or reference point for how well someone communicated with others. My mom had introduced my sisters and I to this phrase, the gift of gab, when telling us about her travels through Europe and the UK. There is a castle in Ireland, called Blarney castle. The legend goes that if you want the gift of gab, you kiss the Blarney Stone.

I always felt, when I was younger, that I did not have the gift of gab, as I was timid about talking to people. Uncertainty with how to strike up a conversation and make small talk. I also felt like small talk seemed a bit pointless. Any reference to the weather or referencing anything obvious, was, well, stating the obvious. And as we humans tend to think worse case scenario or make up stories, I would picture my intellect being called into question because of stating something so obvious, that it was laughable and then the reasonable conclusion was that I am better not talking at all. Complete opposite of ‘gift of gab.’

As you can imagine – but I will still tell you… many hours (accumulatively) have been around other people, with no speaking taking place. There were some extremely tormenting moments in high school, if friends were away, and also lunches at the school in Holland, where I would be alone, and agonizingly, as the moments dragged on, having no one to talk to. You can also feel the energy if you are around someone and both of you have nothing to say. It can feel very awkward. But then my stubborn streak would sometimes kick in, and I would think to myself, that they are just as much at fault of not being able to make conversation as I am, and I am not going to be made to feel uncomfortable by it. I can stand here in silence and be perfectly fine and unaffected. So I am rather good at silence now. Making my energy relaxed by it, rather than anxious.

But, the reason all of this came up, the reason I had cause to think on all of this again – I have a son in high school and to give you a bit of an idea – he isn’t outgoing. He has a smaller circle of friends, he doesn’t have a hundred friends or is comfortable going up to talk to just anyone. So we’ve had conversations about this lately. And times when the specific friends don’t happen to be at school, this makes for some very boring and alone lunch times.

My good friend also reminded me, that who you are comparing yourself too, is also key. They can’t get into the mindset that they should have one hundred friends, or that they should be able to be social butterflies like others. No one feels comfortable talking to people they don’t know. Any of that takes practice. Sometimes lots of practice. Ask almost any friend of yours and they will remember feeling uncomfortable in high school, feeling like they didn’t know how to talk to people. Feeling like everyone had more friends than you did, and feeling like when you were alone, that everyone noticed your aloneness.

Not being social enough isn’t the problem. Having perspective helps. Realizing that everyone does feel alone sometimes and knowing talking takes practice helps too. I am still practicing. 😉

Sending Love,

Devon