Out Of Fear

I was walking my dog in the morning and remembering a time that I was terrified of dogs. When I was a kid, I was so scared of them. And I don’t recall a specific event or anything that happened, but for some reason, I had such a fear of them. They can bite, scratch, jump on you – so I didn’t like that. After the Disney movie ‘101 Dalmatians’ came out, my best friend got a Dalmatian puppy. He was VERY adorable and as a puppy, they are so little, but also full of energy and just wanting to jump up to say hi. So this little guy scared me. Which feels silly now, when I think back to that time.

I think she would be surprised that I now have a dog, after how scared I was! This memory about her puppy also led me to remember that sometimes I would do anything I could to avoid interacting with her dog when I went to her house. It was out of fear. There were other things I didn’t do out of fear as well. Fear did hold me back from a lot of things, I realize. I avoided situations or people, some parties or social gatherings. I generally avoided things that would draw attention to myself, all out of fear. Fear of the unknown or looking silly or dumb.

And as I think about this, that it certainly held me back many times, maybe fear isn’t all bad. We are the way we are for a reason, and I think it has protected me, in some circumstances as well. Being cautious, trying to find facts before just ‘jumping in.’ Observing everything.

I also know that there were a lot of things I was brave enough to do even though I was fearful. I started thinking of some of these instances, such as: • spending the year in The Netherlands as an exchange student. I didn’t know anyone, or the language! • when I started a blog and sharing my art, which feels like opening a door to my soul for others to see (terrifying) • coordinating the grad video and putting a call out to my school alumni (see YouTube) • the time I spent a week at camp as a kid and friends went home the second day feeling homesick, and although I felt the same, I was determined to experience the week and see it through • presenting a talk to the Dutch rotary club – in Dutch 😳 • a 5 minute monologue in college to the art kids – also in Dutch. 😳

Anyway, those are some of the big ones, but as I was thinking of fear and how it’s held me back, it has also not held me back in a lot of ways ~ maybe more important ways. Fear doesn’t hold you back from the things that really matter. At least, that’s something I made a conscious decision of years ago. There’s some brave people in my family that had amazing adventures that I knew I would want to do the same.

Sending Love,

Devon