Yesterday was a holiday here for the funeral service for Queen Elizabeth II. My work was also closed, so it was a day off for me, which I focused more on laundry and driving my son and another boy to a hockey practice that their team picked up when it was announced schools would be closed.

In the evening, I did turn on a stream of the BBC presentation that they had put together. It was truly impressive to see what went in to this service and how immense the love for her was. I have never been one to follow the royal family other than what is on general news. It seemed she was truly remarkable, but I always hesitate to put anyone on too high a pedestal if I have not met them or interacted with them myself.

That same evening, because a lot goes on daily with our family schedules and who has to be where, I suddenly remembered Jordan has hockey practice Monday evenings. Since it was a day off that felt like a Sunday, I was caught off guard. Thankfully my brain remembered this at the right time for us to get him to practice on time. But of course, not without my flaws of frustration and impatience flaring up, as I had been trying to clean after a large meal while coordinating a puppy walk and making time for painting. Have I mentioned before that I don’t do well spur of the moment and I like to be well planned? My husband took Jordan and the puppy to do it all and to get them out of my way. I was grateful but not without feeling like a failure of a mom for being snappy, bossy, and a bit panic stricken. So I tidied, set the stream to play a little bit more, to see the wrap up of the service. It made me teary a little to witness. And I wondered, the Queen has people to do everything for her, but did she ever feel like a bad mom? What were her insecurities? She looked a lot like my grandma Ethel, so I have a soft spot for her in that regard. I always think of (and miss) my grandma when I see her.

She died on my 40th birthday. Not many people can say that or be reminded of their grandma when they look at her. So many adored her and she meant so much to a lot of people. You always admire and look up to a Queen as a young girl, fantasize even, about that life a little bit. But it was her physical appearance and soft demeanour that had me see my grandma in her. Which makes it that much easier to understand that sadness that people feel losing her. It’s a reminder of how much we still miss my grandma.

Sending Love,


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