Those days when you beat yourself up. Not getting what I wanted to, completed. Not getting all that I wanted to, completed. Feeling a bit ‘blah.’

I went through the weekend feeling like this and feeling like I hadn’t really gotten much of anything accomplished. Then thinking, maybe I need to have a proper weekend checklist of action items, so I don’t feel disappointed and wonder where the time went. The days just seem to go so fast.

Because I am someone that likes a ‘schedule’ or actually, more accurately put, I like to have a ‘plan.’ I like to mentally prepare myself for everything I have to do and what I want to do, and have it mentally mapped out of when it will be done. Example this weekend was my grocery shop. I wanted to get it done at a certain time, but other things like, driving the youngest to hockey, or taking my oldest to an appointment, changed that plan. Then I became indecisive and began to overthink my next best move. You know how it is… if I go where I want to go at that time, it will be too busy. Or I could go to this other place closer and it would be quicker, but I am not getting what I planned on getting.

Then, because it wasn’t what I had mentally prepared for, I felt like I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to. Then I started to be aware of my feelings and look at why I felt unproductive. It all came down to the changing of one activity on my list. I actually wrote down what I had accomplished and what I felt good about and this list was much longer than my one activity that I was indecisive and unsettled on. So I realized, I was productive. Still room for improvement, I have way more I would still like to finish in a day! I would like to have read more of my course textbook. But I DID take my younger son to hockey and went for a donut with him afterwards. I did read my course text, read some of the book I am enjoying, I exercised both days, I started another ark work piece, I took my older son for his grade 9 vaccinations, spent time with a friend, I made progress with plans for celebrating my sisters upcoming 40th birthday, I did a ‘random act of kindness’ ~ a little thing, for 5 different people (work related and made for a fun Monday morning at work), and I even had a breakthrough with meditation Sunday night. So when I look at what I did accomplish, it is completely silly that I would feel unsettled for changing plan with one activity. I should write down what I did accomplish more often, it looks like a lot when you see it written down. Our minds like to make us believe we aren’t ‘enough’ or haven’t done enough. I find being aware of myself and feelings helps to tear down any negative self talk and then I can appreciate what I have done. And get back to appreciating myself. I genuinely hope you can appreciate yourself too when you have days like I did.

Sending Love,

Devon