Memorial

Thoughts after attending a candlelight vigil as well as a memorial service for a 17 year old boy, my son’s friend who died February 29th (see last week’s blog: Supporting)

-Be a better mom – I mean, that sums it all up, but specifically:

-encourage the friends to come over. Don’t be so rigid. Make them feel welcome if even you aren’t sure how you could cover a larger grocery cost. If they want to be there, they really won’t care or be picky about what food they can dig up.

-make a point of saying hi and having some conversation with the friends when they do come over or if I see them somewhere in the community.

-if you don’t ‘know’ the friends parents, go meet them, find out their names, and something you can acknowledge about them.

-ok, I guess i am not the only one that has to call my kid 5 times, then completely lose it and yell at them, and then they want a swear jar. Nice try. This smart mama countered with a not-listening-jar. Case closed.

-look up: how to teach kids more confidence? Look into that Udemy Jimmy Neraine.

-we need to dance and laugh more in my house. Should I schedule this in so I don’t forget? (That’s how dull I feel like I am, that I should set a reminder)

-don’t get mad so easily. Let them be kids, just always remind them to be safe.

-she is a strong woman. 9 of his friends get up to speak and she is supporting them all with her arm around them or helping them read as they try not to break down while giving their tribute.

-her son made everyone feel heard. Make sure that discussion around this is brought into conversations with my boys.

-the good does get noticed – and remembered. He had a lot of friends and seemed to make friends easily and bring a lot of humour, but the friends remembered the little stuff. How he made them feel.

-look through photos more. Talk about memories and experiences more, so they aren’t forgotten. Print more photos for the album.

-make sure to take some video clips as well, not just photos. The sudden smile, the sideways glance, the eye roll, hopefully a dance move.

-he was an only child, and she a single mom. What does day 18 after his passing look like? What does day 45 look like? What does day 104 look like? 5 years from now. 12 years from now. 26 years from now.

-who is going to make her feel like he isn’t forgotten and won’t be forgotten? I hope that’s a group effort among many.

-I hope she will feel his light and his presence on the darkest nights, so the darkness doesn’t seem to close in on her.

And for my own peace of mind:

-never leave an interaction (with your family) upset. End with an ‘I love you,’ and that they know you mean it. Conversation can always be continued later. Wrap everyone in a hug on your way.

Sending Love,

Devon