Waking up from a dream, I feel that grogginess of trying to get my bearings. What’s real and what isn’t. What feelings are predominantly floating around me like the mist, fragments that you can’t touch and you know is there for just a short time.

And then the dream wisps away and I’m just left with the mist of feelings. Trying to remember what caused the feelings. And then I realize the feelings left over aren’t about the dream but about the grogginess of uncertainty of what is real. That unease of, ‘which life am I in?’

Now, hours later I can’t describe the thread or the link from the dream to realizing a memory of someone. I know it didn’t come from the dream itself. Do you know when you have a recollection of someone, and that’s when you notice that you actually forgot they existed? Not in a negative way but just haven’t crossed paths with them or anyone in their circle for years and years. I remembered someone that I used to know, named Jordan. And he was born the day after I was, we were in the hospital together as newborns. And then we just minimally crossed paths over the school years. Minimally is how I remember it now, but we did go to school together. Our families ran into each other out of school a few times, and it was always, ‘you two were in the hospital together as babies.’ And it felt a bit like we were long lost cousins. We could never not like each other because it was pretty cool that we almost had the same birthday. And each year, at the start of school, we would wish each other a happy birthday, because our birthdays would be in that first week. But I was quite shy as a kid, so we didn’t talk much otherwise. We also had some classes together in high school, where we worked together a few times.

So when I remembered about this in the morning, it occurred to me that the name Jordan has been, it feels like, ‘in my energy field.’ and maybe that is the link to my dream. The energy field part of it. So let me tell you more.

When I had a job in college, one of my co-workers kept mistakenly calling me ‘Jordan.’ And he apologized and didn’t know why this name always came up for him, except that both Devon and Jordan could be male or female names.

About a year later, I had forgotten about being accidentally called Jordan by that co-worker, but I heard the name Jordan for a girl and I loved that. I decided that, if I had a girl, she would definitely have to be named Jordan. Shortly after, I met Jay. We knew very quickly we would be spending our life together and so even though we had known each other a short time, the subject of names came up and he said to me, ‘I would like our first kid to be named Jordan.’ I think time stood still for a minute as my jaw hit the floor and he probably thought I was looking at him like he just stepped off a space ship. And he was just as surprised when I told him that’s the name I wanted too.

Years later, we had a son that we named Jordan, who is now 17.

Over the years, I forgot I had been called Jordan a handful of times, and about Jordan, my long lost cousin (kidding about him being my long lost cousin). But today, something about the energy of the dream, brought all these connections together.

Sending Love,

Devon