Creative Director: Wound

I Create: Creative Director of My Life.

Good Luck or Bad Luck? At one point in time, something could be seen as bad luck, and then later, the same event, you realize was actually good luck.

Over the years, as I’ve done my reading and work on mindset, abundance, consciousness and positive growth in all of these areas, I’ve learned a lot about events or circumstances that affect us subconsciously, below the surface. You can understand it all logically, but then you realize it really did affect you on a deeper level. Things that can limit mindset, self worth, or plant a seed that you realize has grown into a belief about yourself or about ‘how things go for you’ in life.

And because it’s March and my son just had his birthday, it brought to mind his first birthday, all those years ago. I had to work on his first birthday. I know that happens all the time, parents work on their kids birthday or their own birthday. It in itself isn’t a bad thing, that might just be how it goes.

I’ll set the scene: I had been on maternity leave. And I had gone back to work a couple of weeks before his birthday, because of how the timing worked out. My first day back to this job, which was at a non-profit organization, I was told that my position was being cut. They had to have a job for me to go back to, which they did, they were following the rules, but my first day back I was informed I had 3 weeks left and then no job. With the child care situation, child care had to be secured months prior, so I had committed to full time care, expecting to be working full time. So now I would also be committed to paying the fee of someone else caring for my son, when I had no job. The boss told me that I would be paid for 2 months of severance, and quoted an approximate amount. So I thought, this will help. I worked on my son’s birthday, since I wouldn’t be able to book a vacation day at a job I would no longer be accruing holidays. And on my last day was given a letter informing me that I would be paid 2 weeks severance, not the verbally promised 2 months.

The next business day, I asked my husband to drive me there with my letter. I walked into a meeting with the boss lady and had a long conversation. I am not one to get angry or be rude, I find that very difficult to do. I came in there with all my facts, pointing out what was said to me. Much back tracking was attempted and claims that I hadn’t understood properly, to which I could very easily (and calmly and firmly) quoted back what was said to substantiate and remind her that I did in fact, know what she had said and she could no longer deny it either. Although the outcome didn’t change, it was very clear that what she might have before been able to justify to herself as ‘right’ action, was very much not so, and we both knew it. It was very much unexpected that I would stand up for myself. It was this encounter that I particularly felt so proud of myself. I was able to articulate everything so well, I left with my head held high, and went for coffee with my husband.

It was a horrible way and time to lose a job. I still feel the injustice of it. Because of the timing and blindsided-ness of it. Have you heard the term ‘pink-tax’? Which mainly describes how products or items for the female population cost more, but I’ve also understood it to mean in general the cost of being female is more or the ‘ability to earn’ is less. I had the maternity leave, which means I’m making a smaller percentage of my pay. We, as women, carry the baby, earn a fraction of what our salary is, and then I get an actual job-layoff because of my position being cut and then I am not eligible for the ‘employment insurance’ because I had just been on maturity leave. Completely unrelated. Completely different circumstance. I had even worked 6 days a week between 2 jobs paying into the insurance for a few years prior. So it felt like my ‘ability to earn’ took a big hit, and not being covered was a punishment for having a baby.

The positives or the ‘Good Luck’ of the whole thing:

-it provided the opportunity for one of the instances that I’ve been most proud of myself: speaking up for myself, but also, how well I spoke and made my case.

-I did ultimately go on to a different employer, that I quickly earned more than double what I was making at the previous place.

-through the employer that I went to work at next, led up to my absolute most favourite ‘job’ I am in now.

A lot of good came from this circumstance that I describe. My life became better afterward. But that’s not to say there wasn’t struggle at the time. A few weeks of no job, a couple of months at a part time job while I interviewed for next opportunities, all while having to retain daycare for the full time rate so I wouldn’t lose my daycare spot. It all turned out much better, so it can be considered luck, that all of this happened. But it did leave a wound. And when you recognize that the wound is still there, the overcoming of it, is needed to continue to allow better things to flow in and circulate.

Understanding why it felt like such a wound: to which writing is helpful. Asking yourself if you would or could have changed anything, given what it led to – for me, that is a ‘no.’ But I have, ever since, taken a vacation day for my son’s birthdays. Feeling tied to and made to be at a job that treated me like that and didn’t want me, on my son’s first birthday, that made a wound too. I wanted to be with him.

I’ve been realizing recently that this has been a wound that has needed some attention to heal, to look at with love for my past self, and remind myself of the positives that came out of this. And ultimately, be grateful. 🙏🏻

Until next week,

Devon